Recently it has come to my attention that I’m leading a life of thrill, independence, satisfaction. Ironically I believe that I’m leading a life of terror, dependence and heaven forbid hopelessness. Each ‘thrilling’ ‘independent’ outing leaves me more and more shattered at the state of my life.
Arguably this topic is a cliché, a monolithic topic that bears no results. Singleness. Even just typing the word gives me goose bumps, I know I’m not doing my feminist sisters any justice but let’s cut the crap here everyone in this world wants someone special as much as we deny it. It’s what society expects of us after all. So by not adhering to the norms shouldn’t I be rejoicing, praising my ability to be different, unique, to be someone one who can say NO to the strict rules and structures of our world. I wish. Instead I find myself crying, begging and pleading to be included in this world which seems to have no room for me.
In true Sex and the City form I find myself looking at the world around me, constantly searching for that someone (even I have not reached a stage where anyone will do). Alas it seems all my searching leaves me empty, feeling worse than when I started my search of what now seems the impossible. Am I too harsh on myself? Do I have higher than normal standards? Am I not good enough? Worse is the continuous question that I won’t allow myself to think but can’t stop thinking.... IS IT ME?
Singledom places mayhem on ones self-esteem, it constantly plagues you with questions and self accusations. I started to pick on everything wrong I’ve done or am doing until even I won’t go out with me. This is what it has come down to, a sense of motivational prep talks or a self loathing talk. It’s all too much to bear. I know I’m coming out strong but can any of us truly deny not being in the same situation and achieving the same results. If you can you’re obviously living a life of delusion and lies, it’s time to accept what you are my friend. You, me a few others in this world we’re no different. We’re singles. The world unfortunately has no room for us singles or so I’ve noticed. It is full of two’s, love songs and happily ever after.
All my couple friends tell me that it will be ok; I will find that right someone who will sweep me off my feet. All the clichés of the world are thrown at me until my head feels like it’s about to explode.
Ah the patronising tones of those in love however, when they realise you’re no longer listening is when you get in trouble. Behold a tactical change about how lucky we are to be single, the freedom it gives us, the power, the joy. It takes a lot of courage not to rudely remark that perhaps if they dumped their significant other they too can be single and enjoy the freedom, power or joy. Better yet come out and get hit on by people who are years older than you, married or just plain scary and tell me that life is full of roses for us single people then.
